You can't special order awesome
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
