i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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