My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
