You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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