My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
