Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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