Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
