I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
