dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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