Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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