There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
