3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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