Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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