Just mADE A PArabola og urine
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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