Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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