I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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