THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My penis needs a shock collar
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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