my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
