we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
