Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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