Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
