I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
