They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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