dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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