He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
