"it" just moved
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
