I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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