I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
