I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
