you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
