She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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