I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
