Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
