i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
