Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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