She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
