I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
