Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
