I hate your face
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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