He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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