Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
