She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
