Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you traded sex for a burrito?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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