I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
