you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
