Pappa wants mamma naked
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
