I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need water and some morals
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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