im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
