I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
