You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
