Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
