my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
