I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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