There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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