my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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