She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Two words: blizzard sex
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
