I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
